@TheMichaelRock: I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you, homophobic vending machine.
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@_NTFG_: People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better.
@DevilryFun: The person in front of me paid for my coffee and I had to do the right thing, so I ordered a donut also.
@audipenny: [reading directions] These are probably garbage words, I'll just do what I, a moron, think
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex