@TheMichaelRock: I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you, homophobic vending machine.
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@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.
@Matt_The_1st: Hot girl in the avatar, but no selfies in your pics. I'm just gonna call you "bro" from now on.
@LizHackett: "Dammit. I had shit planned today." -- a spider being carried out of the house with a cup and piece of paper
@Qu4rtKn33: Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.