@jordan_stratton: I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt.
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@SarahFemme: The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
@DurtMcHurtt: My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I'm going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.