@jordan_stratton: I'm sorry, sir, but your cholesterol isn't high enough to buy this Hawaiian shirt.
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@Jeffwni: [1st date] Me: I've got crabs [date leaves] [back home looking at my fish tank] "It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"
@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
@Landon8426: American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took "the floor is lava" game way to seriously as kids.