@PaperWash: I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it.
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@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@RidiculousSheri: I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget.
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.
@SondraDeeMe: FB post from HS friend on pic: My boyfriend is such a dreamboat! My comment: So was the Titanic.