@therepoguy: I'm sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth.
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@lazerdoov: I bought "extra whitening" toothpaste and now my teeth are spending a year in Korea teaching English
@MourningGlory_: Whenever someone tells me they get a "high" from running, all I'm thinking is, "You've obviously never been high before."
@SCbchbum: "I'll have a caramel macchiato, hold the espresso & milk." "Miss, that's just a cup of caramel sauce." "You heard me."
@thejakeshenry: I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.