@therepoguy: I'm sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth.
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@thereverendcink: I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now
@KeetPotato: [talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] "FIFTEEN-LOVE"
@treywafer: Her: wanna dance? Me: I'm never gonna dance again Her: why? Me: guilty feet have got no rhythm Her: ? Me: sorry, I'm old...*Fml*
@frankzulla: Watching an episode of Star Trek (original series) and my 8 year old says the uniforms remind her of The Wiggles. I can't unsee it now