@ElleOhHell: I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash.
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@WildeThingy: "I loves hows you've done me spinach Doc!" Popeye tells his host. Hannibal winks. "The secret is to add a bit of Olive Oil."
@man_spach: [on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?
@ohen39: Cop: Sir, don't lock your kid in there, it's very hot. Me [closing car door]: It's okay *leans in* it's not my kid.