@DjKC_117: I'm sorry, we can't hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
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@ComedicBust: Whenever I kill an ant, I always assume a surviving ant tells the rest of the ants and they have a meeting on how to kill me in my sleep.
@DannyZuker: Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane.
@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"