@cuntrystronggal: I'm sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the same way you treat everyone all the time.
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@WilliamAder: I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.
@NYC_Blonde: Let's all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?
@juliussharpe: I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.