@JohnLyonTweets: I’m starting to suspect the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents nap is just something my parents made up.
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@Fred_Delicious: ***BREAKING*** sneaky teens trying to buy booze severely misjudge their height - 300ft trenchcoat behemoth said to contain 57 people
@BuckyIsotope: [commercial for soup] Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it? NARRATOR: SOUP
@BlindChow: Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom's friend Frank, the fork living next door.