@JohnLyonTweets: I’m starting to suspect the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents nap is just something my parents made up.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: The bathroom Wife: What? Me: I was about to get off the couch and just wanted to stop you before you asked where I was going.
@ElleOhHell: "The new iPhone 6 is bigger!" Meh. "It has more sensors!" Pfft. "You can block group texts." I WOULD LIKE ONE THOUSAND OF YOUR IPHONE
@snowmedia: I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now.
@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool