@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
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@JediGigi: *eats pizza out of box in bed *falls asleep *wakes up next to leftover pizza Voila! Breakfast in bed!
@UncleDuke1969: *takes coffee from hot barista *makes eye contact *smiles *winks *sips scalding coffee "Thankth, thexy! Theeya!" *walks outside *screams
@froghammer: Obamacare? More like "Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!" Honk if you want poor people to die