@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
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@GirlRestrained: Oh look a Spider...... Oh look Listerine.... Oh look spider wiggling for life.... Minty fresh dead spider
@buttgh0st: "sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?" yes it was like a weird pancake
@panmidwest: GOD: i'm going to tell you the name by which you may call me throughout all generations MOSES: no way GOD: yahweh MOSES: ok so what is it
@man_spach: My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.