@ChipKellysBalls: I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
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@MissScarlettK: I'm a pretty confident woman until I walk out of the grocery store & try to find where I parked.
@pixelatedboat: "I'm the world champion of hearing," I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw
@spicy_peen: How do people in the movies dig 6-foot deep graves with a shovel? I got tired digging a hole to plant a bush
@decentbirthday: Me: did you know that abbreviating names can be really confusing? GF: really? Me: yeah George Foreman: that's interesting