@ChipKellysBalls: I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
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@VerifiedJayy: My gf said "tie me up and do what you want" so I duct taped her to the headboard and went to the bar
@realHamOnWry: *unexpected snow fall* Americans: “It’s the end. The apocalypse is here!” Canadians: “Huh…I might need a jacket"
@Midgetspar: I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.
@FSUSteve: My mom just replied to my text with "K." Whooooaaa busy lady, is there some emergency over on FarmVille?