@Ophelia_808: I'm starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed.
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@TheToddWilliams: ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*
@aveuaskew: If you hit a car that is blaring Christmas music before Thanksgiving, it will deploy tinsel instead of airbags.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.
@3sunzzz: I love showering with my husband. There's nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.