@Ophelia_808: I'm starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed.
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@mamapojo: I RT you, you ignore me I fav you, you ignore me I ignore you, you ignore me This seems to be working out well for us
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees
@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years