@donni: "I'm still at the airport, actually." -A woman next to me on the train just now
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@daemonic3: HIM: Happy birthday, honey! I got you a gift basket, just like you wanted HER: Oh thanks! What's in it? HIM: What do you mean, "in it"?
@SteveSuckington: Is it still illegal to run someone over with your car if they're wearing camouflage?
@Robert_Fultz: I find it really annoying that eating food doesn't heal wounds like I was led to believe as a kid. Damn Nintendo.
@wolfpupy: if anyone tries to tell you your dreams are unachievable just remember i have crashed my dirt bike into all 7 wonders of the world