@donni: "I'm still at the airport, actually." -A woman next to me on the train just now
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@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
@davedittell: yeah, we r a non-traditional family. instead of naming our dog, we let him name us. I'm Woof, this is my husband Woof, & these r Woof & Woof
@jonnysun: *sees a fly* ahhh *trying to swat fly* nooo *gives up* well if ur gona stay at least pay rent lol FLY: *hands me a tiny check* ME: wat the