@YoungNobler: I'm still disappointed that Penguin and Random House merged to become Penguin Random House and not the more hilarious Random Penguin House.
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@PaperWash: angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla
@darinlovesbacon: Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer.
@TheToxicWaster: Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts..
@brennadine: [First date] Him: Can you pass the- SOMETIMES WHEN I SLEEP ON MY STOMACH MY CAT LIES ON MY BACK LIKE A TINY SURFER