@dinokitten: I'm still in disbelief that 9/11 coincidentally happened on September 11 (9/11)
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@TheCiscoKidder: Thinking about getting married? My wife got mad at me for doing all the yard work because we are in a fitbit step challenge together.
@causticbob: When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years.
@spcycucumber: I've been eating this memory foam for weeks now and I can't even remember why I'm still eating memory foam