@dinokitten: I'm still in disbelief that 9/11 coincidentally happened on September 11 (9/11)
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@SequelsWeWant: Honey I Shrunk the Kids IV: They shrink everyone on earth on purpose The planet will never run out of resources Everyone is eaten by ants
@Dawn_M_: Don't date men who will hold open a door for you. Date men who will punch a squirrel in the face for chittering it's teeth at you.
@RidiculousSheri: [on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*
@dshack8: Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.