@realHamOnWry: I'm still not sure how the church expects me to do all that kneeling and standing and praying on just that one little wafer they feed you.
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@abbycohenwl: I moved to LA with nothing but the shirt on my back. No pants & I couldn't figure out how to get the shirt on my front. Soon I was jailed
@KeetPotato: me: "i taught this chimp to say words" chimp: "nice haircut" reporter: "oh my god.. does he know anything else?" me: "sarcasm apparently"
@fro_vo: me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening
@shopkins776: *puts on headphones *cranks "Eye of the Tiger" *downs energy drink *laces up Nikes *runs out into 13° weather *runs back inside *Naps