@realHamOnWry: I'm still not sure how the church expects me to do all that kneeling and standing and praying on just that one little wafer they feed you.
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@wendyraepearce: I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He's going to pay for that later.
@thejessbess: I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but... No more. Still mad atchu, meteor.
@brynnester: [Interview] Boss: Who’s this? Your girlfriend? Me: Oh she’s not my girlfriend. Not yet anyway *gives her an affectionate nudge* Actually it’s our first date Her: I’m having the worst time
@DevilryFun: You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor.