@robfee: "I'm still years behind on Breaking Bad so I expect the entire internet not to discuss it until it's convenient for me." - Idiots
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@Parkerlawyer: My husband didn’t have Snapchat so I convinced him to download it “because it will be fun!” and the first request he received was from his ex-girlfriend, so I deleted my husband’s Snapchat bc what grown man needs a stupid Snapchat anyway.
@RaynaTheGreat: All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love.
@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@BuckyIsotope: I will be celebrating Columbus Day by setting sail for India, landing in Spain, and telling everyone who lives there to move out.