@TylerLinkin: I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.
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@QuiteQuietOne: Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
@ThaJawn: Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!
@ObscureGent: Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone.