@kcMcCowgirl: I'm straight but not "get my alibi" straight.
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@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D
@Dis0beyJay: [ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training
@Ray_stephan: Finding out your ex has a bad life is like finding 100 $ in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
@rickolantern: The worst is when you're on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going