@NikiWithIssues: I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CommonSavant: I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers.
@david8hughes: [knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white