@NickMotown: I'm sure there'll be some making distasteful jokes about Williams' death. How annoying for them that he would have thought of funnier ones.
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@BeardedSteel: Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok
@wickedsuga: Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her.
@Mr_Kapowski: Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* "No"
@HiddleDeeDee: I accidentally flushed a public toilet with my hand instead of my foot. I may be dying now.