@DawnLovesZombie: I'm surprised the sloths made it to the ark in time.
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@LostFelicia: Sorry I looked up your house on google maps, but I wanted to make sure I could climb that tree by your bedroom window.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Therapist: U need some tools to cope with ur anger Me: Like a sledgehammer? T: No. More like breathing- M: Fire? Can u make me breathe fire?
@Ygrene: [being murdered at Best Buy] Murderer: *murdering me* Me: *being murdered* Employee: would you guys like to buy an extended warranty
@pauleggleston: -Whoa! Have you seen that big herd of bees outside? -Not *herd* of bees. -You've not heard of bees? They're flying things with stings. -I know, but it's swarm! -*sweating* I know, it's boiling! But I'm not opening the window til that herd of bees has gone.