@DawnLovesZombie: I'm surprised the sloths made it to the ark in time.
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@RdrJay47: Me: I'd like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized platter of Super Nachos.
@thepunningman: Airport Security: Please remove your shoes Man: Don't be ridiculous, I'm no terrorist AS: Sir, do you want to use the bouncy castle or not?
@NicestHippo: "Bro she's a cold digger" [later with gf] Do you only want me for my germs? [she stops licking my face] Why would you ask that?