@Angrea: I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.
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@paulablu22: Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn't going to make me type any faster.
@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
@BlindChow: [girl chatting up guy at bar] girl: so what do you do? magician: i halve a girlfriend
@iscoff: "Did you hire a wedding photographer?" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*