@sara_ashlynn: I'm a long-term thinker. For instance, the green bananas I bought will be delicious in 2 days.

@Playing_Dad: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CORNER. THEY ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT AND TAKE YOUR PHONE, WALLET AND PURSE.

@DamonHunzeker: Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags.

@noog: [5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?

@Sassafrantz: *rises out of neighbor's hot tub* I'd like to talk to you guys about home alarm systems...