@smilely_gal: 7: "Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?"
Me: "Are you the someone?"
7: "Maybe"
Holy hell.
@Shakti_Shetty: *thinks of joining gym tomorrow*
*celebrates the thought with a pizza*
@SteveKoehler22: Snapchat is going public in March
with a $30 billion IPO.
Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps.
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date]
Let me get that for you.
*holds door open*
"May I help you, sir?"
Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supremeā¦
@3sunzzz: Airport security doesn't let you through with a wine opener, apparently. Even if you tell them, "It's okay, I'm just a harmless alcoholic."
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