@jackmackenroth: I'm taking my mother-in-law to the new Resident Evil movie because she's staying with me and I love subliminal messages.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@smilely_gal: 7: "Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?" Me: "Are you the someone?" 7: "Maybe" Holy hell.
@SteveKoehler22: Snapchat is going public in March with a $30 billion IPO. Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps.
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* "May I help you, sir?" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme…