@jackmackenroth: I'm taking my mother-in-law to the new Resident Evil movie because she's staying with me and I love subliminal messages.
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@SteveDutzy: *Makes joke on Twitter* *5 Retweets* *Makes same joke on Facebook* *5 comments from aunts saying that the joke was inappropriate*
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't.
@Donna_McCoy: Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
@ThatDudeF: Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new 'I walked to school in the snow without shoes'