@MKupperman: I'm taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers
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@HammerFist3: Cat owner : wow my pet cat really likes you Me: yeah well that's just because I have at least 2 sardines in my left pocket at any given time
@rmfnord: Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch.
@trojansauce: [day after trying sushi for the first time] ME: *putting frozen chicken nuggets on table* WIFE: this isn't cooke- ME: it's sushi, susan
@thenatewolf: Me: I think the coolest sport is horse golf Guy: do you mean polo? Me: [realizing he isn't classy enough to know about horse golf] yes