@Brianhopecomedy: I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed.
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@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?
@RappaRick: Monday: forearms Wednesday: forearms Friday: forearms Sunday: forearms --Popeye's gym schedule
@KeetPotato: [emergency dentist appointment] dentist: what seems to be the problem? me: my teeth [turns to nurse] is this guy new?