@Brianhopecomedy: I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed.
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@DaHess1: Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
@therealeatwood: ME: So you indicate action using airstrikes? HER: What? No, I said asterisks. ME: Ha, of course. [to walkie-talkie] Disengage. DISENGAGE!
@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.