@JennyPentland: I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@0point5twins: Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "this isn't working, you take everything too literally". She'll be so happy when she sees the new one.
@DirtyySouthMess: Apparently it's not enough to just show up, you need to be wearing pants as well.
@AngryRaccoon2: I bought a CD today. Now I'm waiting for my carriage to take me home, because I have laundry to do at the river and butter to churn.