@samalmightysam: I'm telling you to go to hell because I'm poor. If I was rich I would kill you.
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@Midgetspar: Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators.
@romiza_: *Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@outsmartedmommy: The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors.