@superdadatron: I'm testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don't know the answers.
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@EndhooS: [1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist
@daemonic3: WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God
@johnbiehl: Added my sticker to the family on the back of your van I am in your family now you have to bring me to costco every time you go.
@Darlainky: You can tell a lot about a person by eavesdropping in on their conversations in the bathroom.