@LuckyLea13: I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself
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@TragicAllyHere: My Kid: Are dinosaurs real? Me: yes but they died Kid: why did you kill them? M: I didn't! Kid: did you forget to water them like our plants
@crylosec: [train station] Man: hey you. Woman: Hi. M: i'm Christian. W: That's a pickup line? *rolls eyes, walks away M: ugh. i hate my name.
@ghostovpiss: what if spiderman shot spaghetti out of his wrists instead of webbing and worked at the olive garden
@Dishy2101: Car next to me in liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has SEVEN kids. I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all.