@ANastyGorilla: I'm thankful my wife harvested over $100,000 in potatoes on Farmville while I ate a grilled cheese for dinner & am sleeping on dirty laundry
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@fraservalleyjay: Sometimes for fun I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they open the door I say "Hey! Sorry I'm late."
@Brentweets: So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
@mean_spice: Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef
@SherifLSharkawy: Felix went to the moon, took 5 photos. She went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.