@danchovy: I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word "dog" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right
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@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."
@SatansTongue: Give me a massage "Mm okay" *rubs oil all over her* *things get hot* *things get too hot* *she bursts into flames* "Dang I used petroleum"
@MJMcKean: Restaurant chain commercials should run the disclaimer "Actual food might not tumble and splash in slow motion".