@danchovy: I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word "dog" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right
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@doublewenis: *seductively feeding you chicken wings while you hit on a hot chick "I'm sorry, I really don't know what a wingman is supposed to do."
@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
@Reverend_Scott: [landlord walks in apartment] "I told you no pets!" That's a stray gerbil. "And those fish??" ...stray fish. SHOO FISH, SCRAM