@Phoebetate: I'm the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I'm dressed as a bean bag.
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@Schooney_Tunes: Got kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond today for drawing pictures of Drake on their blankets, so they'd be extra soft.
@dlicj: [at my grandmas house] MY GRANDMA (not the grandma whose house we're at but my other grandma): (to my grandma whose house we are at) hey
@wizdom: A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort.
@citizenkawala: My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.