@andytwined: I'm the guy in charge of making the room smell nasty in the Glade commercials.
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@ArfMeasures: [Creation] ANGEL: Ok, bats are done. We just need to decide how they sleep GOD: [on his phone] Hang on ANGEL: [writing] Bit weird but ok
@Carbosly: WOW! SNOWING EVERYWHE.... it stopped. OMG IT'S STARTING AGAIN AND... nvrmind. HERE IT IS AGAIN, WEEE...its gone. - Snow globe, the story.
@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uh—failure
@OfficeofSteve: Me: The dogs ears are so soft! Wife: I know! Me: I want to make a pillow out of them Wife: ..... Me: Not now obviously, like, when he dies