@iGreenMonk: I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian.
@Tylerosis: I say I want a gf but I don't even know what I'd do with one. Do you just kiss her and leave her alone in a corner? How often does it eat?
@SaraMansford: I wish scientists could make us as indestructible as cartoons. I've got a list of people I'd like to drop an anvil on.
@NoTheOtherJohn: *doesnt stand for national anthem as protest against people who don't stand for national anthem*