@iGreenMonk: I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
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@dreamthievin: I need a guy who's cute charming smells good smells really good like cinnamon and sugar and flaky crust and actually I just need some pie
@Alex_N_Chains: Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy.
@Smethanie: The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.
@mjkspeaks: An important phone call is something that occurs when there's no better excuse to ignore someone.