@jferg1616: I'm the kind of guy who brings his phone charger to the party.
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@Mike_Bianchi: A bathroom scale that when you stand on it just says "Your body is but a point in space; your life, a differential of time."
@kumailn: If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.