@ianabramson: I'm the kind of guy who peeks under bathroom stalls and asks where you go for taxes.
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@MythicPicnic: Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out....
@dafloydsta: Not to brag, but I always go to the hottest cashier at the store and she always checks me out.
@kissmefreedom: Buzzfeed writer wanted. Must love current events, pop culture and have a Bachelor's degree and a history of head injuries.
@Matt_The_1st: Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?