@Douchekevin: I'm the perfect man if you don't factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
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@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead
@MsSkarsgaard: My kids fought over their school bags touching in the trunk if you needed a reason to pull out.
@Papa_Mex: I hate it when the neighbor's dog gets out because I accidentally pick the lock on their gate, leave it open, and put down a trail of food