@TheQuietPsycho: I'm "the VCR was heavy enough to bludgeon a large farm animal" years old
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@JediGigi: Me: I don't feel well Mom: Did you eat the plastic fruit again, Gigi? Me: No Mom: ... Me: ... Mom: ... Me: *throws up plastic banana*
@evanwilliams: RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: You know what your website needs? RESTAURANT OWNER: A clear way to contact us and reserve a table? RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: A 3,000 word 'our philosophy' section. RESTAURANT OWNER: (nodding) Let's not even put our phone number on the website.
@FattMernandez: I don't honk at women because I don't let a girl know she's attractive with the same thing I use to scare ducks from in front of my car.