@theDanLawler: I'm thinking about getting an arm tattooed on my snake.
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@ElKnuckelhombre: I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!
@NurseMurderer: grandchild: when did you know you were gonna marry grandpa? me: when the dude brought 4 different slices of cheesecake on the second date.
@SarcasticCharm: Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.