@UnFitz: I'm thrilled that you found Jesus. Where was he hiding?
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@SleazySli: I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
@_gothique: What I've learned from Twitter: 1. Men are pervs 2. Women are pervs 3. Cats are pervs