@UnFitz: I'm thrilled that you found Jesus. Where was he hiding?
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@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
@AnOrangeSNES: Amazon review: Amazon river ⭐☆☆☆☆ DO NOT GO HERE! Everything tries to kill you, plus they don't even have free shipping.
@T_N_Crumpets: Dentist: open Me: *opens* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: that's it, now come in and take a seat
@Brampersandon_: ME (watching a sea of a million llamas stampede over the horizon): dear God, it's the alpacalypse