@UnFitz: I'm thrilled that you found Jesus. Where was he hiding?
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@BitterKrust: "Does this hurt?" "YES!" "What about this?" "OW!" *Dr. writes notes* "Patient shows symptoms of pain when stabbed with knife. Keep updates."
@DurtMcHurtt: Sorry I changed your ringtone to Salt-N-Pepa's "push it" and called you a bunch of times during your colonoscopy.
@madcaplaughs30: I bet when the toaster came out everyone was happy they didn't have to throw their bread at lightning anymore.
@DustinAHarkins: One time I called my teacher "mom" and she looked so confused and said "I'm not your mom." It made the rest of homeschooling really awkward.