@o__0Dev: I'm tired of conventional beauty standards that say I can't wear a ski mask in a bank
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@PerkyandSaggy: *Girl opens Xmas present* "Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?" "Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
@sixfootcandy: (first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx.
@isaaaa: Things I constantly worry about pressing: 1. "Like" while ex stalking 2. Send all drafts 3. A baby's soft spot Yes, this list is in order.
@Papa_Mex: You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer? -Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts