@Death_Buddy: I have a cut on my leg Doc "Yeah that legs gotta go sir" But its a tiny cut "Sorry, I cant save it" *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*

@GrandadJFreeman: Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...

@eyeswidebutt: [hanging out w mob] "Tony sleeps with the fishes" *they all laugh* [self conscious about my sexual habits w fish]: its not a big deal guys

@MandaPandaXo4: I’d like to think I’d survive an apocalypse but honestly 6 minutes and 52 seconds on the elliptical just made me wanna quit living so probably not.

@E_Ville13: Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape.