@Screwoff315: I'm tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!
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@jaggings: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can / super speed, giant leap / crawls in your mouth when you're asleep
@MableGertrude: I would pay big bucks to Sea World to see a dolphin fly out of a water tank into the stands and start rolling around and eating people.
@pleatedjeans: [tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK