@RandomAntics: I'm told as a lady in my 30s I shouldn't wear certain things anymore - like halter tops, pigtails, and the scalps of my vanquished enemies.
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@PaperWash: Last minute gift idea: Give someone a bucket of water and tell them your sorry their ice sculpture melted
@daemonic3: Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming "But dad we're goldfish" Oh yeah, I forgot "Forgot what?"
@max_pad21: Patient: "How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what?" Doctor: "Nine..."
@KentWGraham: I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.