@DaveTheAlbino: I'm too fat to be a hipster. I'm thinking of becoming a Heapster instead.
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@iLikeCatShirts: It's that pottery scene from Ghost except it's me standing behind the Subway sandwich artist helping him make my sandwich.
@Petote: Be a firefighter they said, Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said, Youre misinformed they said, We're calling the police they said
@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy] "For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."