@breatheandlove: I'm too old to still be "getting too old for this." I've arrived.
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@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER