@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.
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@BigBagOfScum: A fun thing to do is comment "that ain't the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
@fro_vo: Cop: we have you surrounded! Get down on the ground now! Cardboard Man: sigh not again *cops start breakdancing*
@realHamOnWry: I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again.
@WilliamAder: Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens.