@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.
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@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@LeBearGirdle: Reporter: What went wrong in the Challenger launch? NASA: have you ever built a space ship? Reporter: well no bu- NASA: it's really hard
@MarfSalvador: Cop: My informant told me where the killer is Chief: Nice. Did he give you a name? Cop: No chief *frowns* my parents did that
@jctwritesstuff: *gets up off bed* *puts pants back on* Oh...so you...you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?