@InternetHippo: I’m trying this Paleo lifestyle where I live in constant fear and die at the age of 28
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@kumailn: My favorite romantic comedy sub-genre is "Hugh Grant falls in love with someone for no reason."
@david8hughes: [soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]
@ClickBaite: I always carry a pocket of spare bolts at the carnival and hand two or three to the person taking the seat after me. "I found these. Weird?"
@kyry5: Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively