@somecleverthing: I'm unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip.
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@CopBroughtPizza: pet owner's tip: glue the very tip of your cat's tail to the center of their back to make a convenient cat-carrying handle.
@BarebakAssassin: The best thing about dating someone with a barbed wire tattoo is knowing that you won't be known as their "worst regret" when you break up.
@SortaBad: *walks into library* "Excuse me, where are your books about asking librarians out on dates?"