@somecleverthing: I'm unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip.
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@usermcuserface: Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight.
@curlycomedy: You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Guinea pigs aren't real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead.