@markleggett: I'm using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early: Eating several large curries right before bed.
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@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes
@Sirrruh: One day my kids will find a "We're Closed" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda.
@KrazykurtKurt: If you tell your girlfriend you think the girl at in the corner shop fancies you, you'll never have to pop out to get bread and milk again
@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.